How to Build a Christ-Centered Marriage

“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” — Psalm 127:1

Introduction

A Christ-centered marriage is a union that seeks first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33). It is not a contract for personal happiness, but a covenantal relationship grounded in God’s sovereign design. In Reformed theology, marriage is a sacred institution created not just for companionship, but for the glory of God, the sanctification of the saints, and the advancement of the gospel.

1. Understanding the Covenant of Marriage

Marriage is a divine ordinance. Genesis 2:24 declares, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." This covenant is a reflection of God's enduring faithfulness to His people. Louis Berkhof wrote, "The covenant of marriage is an institution grounded in creation and expressive of divine grace." Thus, we approach it not as a human invention, but as a God-instituted bond that points to His unchanging character.

2. Christ as the Foundation

A Christ-centered marriage flows from a Christ-centered life. Husbands and wives must first submit individually to the Lordship of Christ (Colossians 3:17). John Calvin emphasized the importance of personal piety, stating, "He only who has learned to submit himself to God is prepared to submit to others in love." The more a couple draws near to Christ, the closer they come to each other. Daily Scripture reading, prayer, and church fellowship must not be optional but foundational.

3. Biblical Roles and Mutual Submission

Paul's teaching in Ephesians 5:22-33 outlines God-ordained roles in marriage. The husband's love should reflect Christ's sacrificial, servant-hearted love. The wife's submission is a willing, respectful response to godly leadership, not rooted in inferiority, but in God's beautiful order. Martin Luther noted, "The Christian husband must serve his wife with the strength and love of Christ, not ruling with iron, but leading with grace." This model demonstrates the gospel to the watching world.

4. The Practice of Repentance and Forgiveness

Reformed theology rightly emphasizes the ongoing reality of indwelling sin. Therefore, humility, repentance, and forgiveness must mark Christian marriage. James 5:16 exhorts, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed." As God forgives us in Christ, so we forgive one another (Colossians 3:13). This daily application of gospel truth is essential for lasting unity.

5. Family Worship and Discipleship

Marriage forms the foundation of Christian discipleship. The home is the primary context where the next generation is trained in righteousness. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 commands parents to diligently teach God's Word. Joel Beeke has said, "The godly family is the training ground for the church and the nation." Husbands should lead family worship by reading Scripture, praying, and singing hymns regularly. A Christ-centered home is a beacon of light in a dark world.

6. Enduring Through Trials with Christ

Trials test the foundation of any relationship. But for the Christian couple, adversity becomes a tool of sanctification. Romans 5:3-5 teaches that tribulation produces patience, character, and hope. As both husband and wife cling to Christ in suffering, their faith deepens, and their bond strengthens. Reformed spirituality prepares believers to suffer well, knowing that nothing is wasted in God's sovereign plan.

Conclusion

A Christ-centered marriage is a powerful testimony of God's grace. It proclaims the gospel through joyful obedience, sacrificial love, and enduring faith. It is a relationship built not on fleeting emotion but on the eternal foundation of God's Word.

Call to Action

Has this article encouraged you? Begin today by praying with your spouse, studying the Word together, and committing to Christlike love. Share this post with a couple in your church and subscribe below to receive more biblical guides for Christian living.